90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
