I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
