margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My vagina just clenched in fear
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
