Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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