So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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