did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
