Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
