so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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