i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
