chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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