Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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