wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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