Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would ride that face into the sunset
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
