I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize