apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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