remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
