he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
