Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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