You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
