I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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