Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
