you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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