I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
