I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize