Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
