just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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