Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
