Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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