does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
