My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
