it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
