Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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