I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
