It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
