she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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