dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
