if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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