K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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