we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need Xanax blowdarts
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
