i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
