He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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