i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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