Pappa wants mamma naked
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize