remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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