he wants to bone in the snuggie
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
