I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
