you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
