wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
