I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
