I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
