Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize