omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
