I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
