Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
