I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
