I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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