I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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