i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
sarcasm needs its own font
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
