i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
