no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
