Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
