I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
