all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
