it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
