Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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