found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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