Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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